Dear mother, I get it
I am not perfect, an overthinker
Visited by an intruder, night after night
An insatiable beast, it’s not even afraid of the sunlight
You watered me, made me who I am
Good and bad, a function of the past
I stumble through life, plummeting every now and then
You didn’t see me when I slept for sixteen hours straight
A heavy head, an aching back
A sinking heart, a muddled state
A vision of the past keeps flashing as I close my eyes
I can’t explain, but I shall try
I don’t know when it began
Was I born with it, or did it happen when that uncle touched me?
Was it the harsh tone of your voice?
Or that slap that shook me?
Was it the maneuvered laughter around the relatives?
Or was it the caretaker who hit me, relentless?
What was it, mother? I can’t tell
Dear father, I know it hurts
To see me like this, sinking into the floor
Day by day, squirming in agony
Pains in this cage of a body, no reason listed in my prescription
The cluelessness on your face, I can’t take it anymore
You enlightened me, with your faulty wisdom
Passed on some insecurities too, still secure in my kitty
Was it you screaming at me for making too much noise when I was five?
Or was it the failure to get into the college of your choice?
What was it, father? I don’t know
No, no, I don’t wish to complain
You are my creator, the only man I trust
Or do I? I will try to explain
I am not okay, father.
All is not copacetic, mother.
But there is no one to blame, not a single soul
That includes me, I know you don’t feel the same
But there, there. I am holding tight
Tighter than I ever have, to the diminished sane crevices of my mind
I may not be a child anymore, but I look towards you still
For who else will ever understand?
Oh, you don’t either? Oh.
Can I make a request, if you don’t mind?
No, no, hear me out, oh please.
I will be fine, don’t you worry
I am trying, to get out of my misery
But it’s okay to be parched at times
I know you grew up in harsher circumstances
I know you didn’t think I was this weak
But I am not weak, only human
And it’s not unusual, to sometimes withdraw
From this vast expanse, and choose not to partake in the worldly exchange
I am sick and tired of pretending
Let me take it, the good and the evil
Let me weather through this storm, a rite of passage
I know I’m your seed; no, I’m not infested by a germ
I’m just trying to grow, grappling with the conflicts of my unraveled mind
I’m just here to tell you, that I am suffering, but I will be fine.